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What is spiritual abuse and how to deal with it?
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Greetings.
Recently, a thread was posted to inform of a book that described the life of someone who underwent spiritual abuse.
What is spiritual abuse, how does it happen, how can one deal with it?
In ICJ, an article was posted on this topic, here are some excerpts from it:
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What is Spiritual Abuse?
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In their book, Healing Religious Addiction, the Linns (Dennis, Sheila and Matt Linn, 1994) define spiritual abuse quite broadly as denying other’s spiritual freedom through claiming that only one’s own way to God is valid (The Linns, 1994, p. 12). Johnson and Van Vonderen are more specific: "Spiritual abuse is the mistreatment of a person who is in need of help, support or greater spiritual empowerment, with the result of weakening, undermining or decreasing that person’s spiritual empowerment" (Johnson and Van Vonderen, 1991, p. 20). For our seminar, we arrived at a working definition to fit our own theological context:
Spiritual abuse is perpetrated when, in the name of spirituality or spiritual authority, the individual’s dignity and right to advance through serving Krsna is violated.4
To help clarify the concept; some testimonies from various sources:
My bible study leader tells me that I haven’t taken on the "mantle" as spiritual head of my home. I should be praying more, taking authority in the Spirit — then spiritual forces wouldn’t be able to attack my family. Then my wife wouldn’t be having menstrual problems and my oldest son wouldn’t be suffering from asthma. I guess their sickness is my fault. (Johnson and Van Vonderen, 1991, p. 21)
Being forced to defend yourself on the basis of quotes from religious books is very exhausting and discouraging. The whole process demonstrates a lack of emotional expression. You become very afraid and guilty for feeling, especially when those around you feel different. (VOICE, 1997, 4.3.2e)5
There is a common dynamic in the above examples — the person seeking spiritual guidance, in need of information, dialogue, support, acceptance, or counsel, was made to feel that their spirituality was defective. This can impel a person to agree with a particular belief or to feel discouraged from asking legitimate (but potentially awkward) questions. This is the general dynamic.
Spiritual abuse frequently occurs in conjunction with other forms of abuse — or one could say that other forms of abuse, be they physical, psychological, emotional, sexual, or financial, when perpetrated within a spiritual community or society, will have a spiritual component. The abuse is being backed up by authority and power derived from a spiritual institution or teaching. Those abused have had their boundaries beaten down, they have been shamed out of their "no," had their discrimination clouded by someone else’s religious agendas. Spiritual abuse does not refer to simple mistakes of judgement, but to concerted misuse of position or power. The dynamics, causes, and consequences of spiritual abuse are relevant to all members of a spiritual society since abuse seems to be an unavoidable reality within any society, and spiritual abuse seems to be programmed into the process of spiritual growth, a point that I will discuss later in this article.
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About Abuse Dynamics
Abuse can occur in any authority structure or wherever there is an assumption of authority8
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Based on researching problems in other institutions, reactions to our seminars, and our experiences in ISKCON, we formulated the following list of dynamics conducive to abuse:
1. Unrealistic evaluation of spiritual acumen
a) Position/external success = spiritual advancement
2. Unrealistic expectations
a) The myth of the infallible leader
b) The myth of the totally surrendered subordinate
3. Misapplication of philosophy
a) Twisting theology or interpreting scripture to suit personal or institutional agendas
4. Coercion through shame and fear
a) Shaming people into submission and/or silence
b) Criticising/humiliating anyone with a different opinion or who notices a problem
c) Demonization, name-calling, and fear of ostracism as coercion methods
5. Premature transcendence
a) Elitism and exclusivism as a justification for segregation and prejudice
b) Ignoring physical, psychological, emotional, or social needs
c) Encouraging renunciation far beyond a person’s realisation
...
Bhaktavatsala Dasa: Best Intentions: Dynamics of Spiritual Abuse
http://www.icsahome.com/infoserv_articles/dasa_bhaktivasala_dynamicsspiritabuse.htm
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The discussions here at the forums are burdened by these issues, as can readily be seen. So I thought we could address them directly.
What do you think? -
One example of "spiritual abuse" is a temple president sending a married man out on traveling Sankirtana for weeks and even months at a time because he's attracted to the guy's wife and wants the husband out of the way. I call it the "David and Bathsheba syndrome."
The classic example is, of course, a gurukula teacher abusing and/or molesting a child in his care. These incidents are not just abuse -- they are betrayals of trust and to act in such a sinful and self-serving way in the name of God and Guru is probably the lowest type of behavior imaginable. There are special planets awaiting persons such as this.
If a person is attracted to sense gratification and too weak or distracted by maya to follow strictly -- then just be honst and without pretense. Better to be a sincere street sweeper than a phony baloney show-bottle so-called advanced devotee.
Where there is genuine humility and honesty -- as well as chastity and loyalty to the instructions of the spiritual master -- there is no possibility of this thing that you are referring to as "spiritual abuse."
The second part of the question is "how to deal with it?" Well that would depend upon the particular type of abuse and who is the abuser -- the circumstances, etc. I am not an active member of ISKCON anymore but from what I have read the leadership is trying to deal with these things by setting up committees or tribunals to listen to complaints and then find solutions and if part of the solution is some type of punishment or banishment of an abuser --- then that's what happens. -
> Spiritual abuse is perpetrated when, in the name of spirituality or spiritual authority, the individual’s dignity and right to advance through serving Krsna is violated.4
I'd widen the definition. Secular society based on materialist and mayavada ideologies is the greatest source of spiritual abuse. One can rather easily avoid some abusive individuals like local temple authorities by moving away but to avoid the prevalent society is very difficult.
How to deal with it in oneself: by adopting the opposite behavior, i.e. loving service to devotees. -
I'd widen the definition. Secular society based on materialist and mayavada ideologies is the greatest source of spiritual abuse.VEDA:
I find it hard to compare the two kinds of abuse - the one taking place in the spiritual society and the one taking place in the secular society.[br]
With secular society, one usually knows one should be on guard; but one might think one has to let that guard down when entering the spiritual society - otherwise they will not be able to participate in the spiritual society. At least to me, it seems that in order to participate in spiritual society, one has to drop all the usual defences and allow oneself to be vulnerable, even at the cost of being abused.
[br][br]One can rather easily avoid some abusive individuals like local temple authorities by moving away
I would think it takes quite a bit of spiritual maturity and self-sufficiency to think and act like that. For victims, it tends to seem that leaving a spiritual institution is tantamount to leaving God (which is what the perpetrators may be telling them as well).
[br][br]but to avoid the prevalent society is very difficult.
Agreed. For example, I watched a feature about parents of young adults who have (clinical) depression. There was a mother of a man in his late twenties who had depression. From what I understood, the man was pondering topics such as the meaning of life, was unable to come to any positive conclusion, and became depressed. She was all fired up, saying "Why won't he accept that it is simply just his depression speaking?? It is just an illness. Why won't he accept that he has an illness." According to her - and so many other people - normal, happy people do not ponder such things as the meaning of life.
[br][br]How to deal with it in oneself: by adopting the opposite behavior, i.e. loving service to devotees.
I am not sure I understand - Do you mean that a victim should counter spiritual abuse by loving service to the devotees (even the perpetrators)? -
> I find it hard to compare the two kinds of abuse - the one taking place in the spiritual society and the one taking place in the secular society.
But in Kali yuga sp. soc. is encircled by sec. soc. and its members come from there, bringing their conditioning with them. To expect that sp. soc. is full of mahabhagavatas is a serious illusion. No, it's like a hospital where one can find both new, often seriously sick patients, and healthy patients ready to go home (btG). In one sense one has to be more careful in the hospital than outside.
> With secular society, one usually knows one should be on guard; but one might think one has to let that guard down when entering the spiritual society - otherwise they will not be able to participate in the spiritual society. At least to me, it seems that in order to participate in spiritual society, one has to drop all the usual defences and allow oneself to be vulnerable, even at the cost of being abused.
Not really. In sp. soc. there're all kinds of persons and one should associate accordingly. SP said, don't surrender your intelligence.
> I would think it takes quite a bit of spiritual maturity and self-sufficiency to think and act like that. For victims, it tends to seem that leaving a spiritual institution is tantamount to leaving God (which is what the perpetrators may be telling them as well).
By moving away I mean moving to another place, not leaving sp. soc.
> According to her - and so many other people - normal, happy people do not ponder such things as the meaning of life.
Quite typical nowadays.
>> How to deal with it in oneself: by adopting the opposite behavior, i.e. loving service to devotees.[/quote]
> I am not sure I understand - Do you mean that a victim should counter spiritual abuse by loving service to the devotees (even the perpetrators)?
I mean that the perpetrator should come to his senses and adopt this approach. Abused devotee may not be able to serve the perpetrator unless the perpetrator changes. But the devotee shouldn't reject devotees in general, guru, bhaktiyoga and Krsna, as it often happens. -
But in Kali yuga sp. soc. is encircled by sec. soc. and its members come from there, bringing their conditioning with them. To expect that sp. soc. is full of mahabhagavatas is a serious illusion. No, it's like a hospital where one can find both new, often seriously sick patients, and healthy patients ready to go home (btG). In one sense one has to be more careful in the hospital than outside.VEDA:
[br]...[br]
Not really. In sp. soc. there're all kinds of persons and one should associate accordingly. SP said, don't surrender your intelligence.
Many of us grew up with that "serious illusion" where thinking that a person at church could be anything less than perfect was considered a sin.[br]It is thus challenging to so radically change the way one understands spiritual society. -
[quote]Baker:
But in Kali yuga sp. soc. is encircled by sec. soc. and its members come from there, bringing their conditioning with them. To expect that sp. soc. is full of mahabhagavatas is a serious illusion. No, it's like a hospital where one can find both new, often seriously sick patients, and healthy patients ready to go home (btG). In one sense one has to be more careful in the hospital than outside.VEDA:
[br]...[br]
Not really. In sp. soc. there're all kinds of persons and one should associate accordingly. SP said, don't surrender your intelligence.
Many of us grew up with that "serious illusion" where thinking that a person at church could be anything less than perfect was considered a sin.[br]It is thus challenging to so radically change the way one understands spiritual society.[/quote]
I would like to hear more about this illusion, origins and religious associations. [br][br]
Obviously it is an illusion to consider that anyone who is going to the church, temple or namahatta is liberated just because he is going there. Just as it is completely wrong to consider oneself liberated by the religious association. It is probably greater sin than threatening others with eternal damnation. We say "anyone who says he is liberated, he is immediately fallen." -
In Christianity, both in Catholic as well as Protestant churches, there is quite a bit of vagueness and ambiguity about these things.
On the one hand, they will say how we are all sinners, all need forgiveness and such.
On the other hand, the slightest criticism of congregational fellows is condemned, thereby implying that they are perfect.
I suppose that on the whole, it is the atmosphere of authoritarianism, secrecy, taboos, duplicity and the threat of eternal damnation that eventually culminate to an impression of the infallibility of all who profess to be part of the institution.
In my experience, it comes down to this choice: "Either the church is perfect and I am wrong; or the church is fallible and I am perfect." This is also how the dilemma is presented by some church authorities and members. And nobody in their right mind would dare opt for the latter.
That said, the Christian churches have made a lot of progress in this regard. Googling "spiritual abuse", many sites that come up are Christian. -
Pastoral abuse and how you deal with is rather complicated. But there is no such a thing as 'spiritual abuse'. It is just not spiritual, it is material. Catholics are notorious, and often a crime is covered by 'spirituality'. My stance is rather simple on that, if someone is criminal, report him to the authority.
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"Abuse in the name of spirituality" would probably be a more accurate term.
But what would you call situations like this:
A junior devotee becomes severely ill, or loses his job. Distraught by the trouble in his life, he turns to his seniors for counsel. These, however, merely give him a lecture on how it is just his karma and that he should just chant and be happy. Further distraught, unable to relate and act on the advice, the junior becomes even more distraught, seeks more counsel, and the seniors become more and more cold and distant, repeating that it is just his karma and so on. Eventually, the junior devotee leaves devotee association and commits suicide.
Or another example I have heard from a devotee: A female temple devotee became ill, wasn't feeling up for anything. Her companion tried to cheer her up at first, then lectured her on the importance of doing her duties. As none of that helped, she eventually threw a Bhagavad-gita at the ill devotee. -
Calling it "ignorance" and "misunderstanding" makes it all sound so harmless!
Defining something as "ignorance" or "misunderstanding" implies that one is an authority on what makes for proper knowledge and proper understanding in a given situation.
That is quite bold, don't you think? -
I find boldness that comes from guru, sastra, sadhu but is not based in personal realisation rather annoying, like an old broken vynil.
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Spiritual abuse or occult control, whats the difference? This is pretty much whats going today,right?
Under the guise of guru(total submission.No question ask) opens the door to all sorts of abominal things.
I say to you judge a guru not by knowledge but by spiritual energy he posseses.
It's by spiritual wisdom that one can accomplish
increasing life's energy, making it newer ; newer.Instead of talking about it he takes us to it.
Anyone can learn and be an expert(talk) with followers.But a guru can transform the world spiritually,
and thats what we should look for..cause theres enough books that the books itself qualifies as Guru. -
Spiritual abuse is getting initiated in ISKCON only to find out a decade later that you were initiated by despicable faggot that masturbated daily and took your money money and service all along while thinking that he was best thing since the sliced bread.pfui
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