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Vedic jokes: Let's have some fun!
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Did you hear about the pujari with the "altar" ego?
Did you know that Lord Brahma was born in a "navel" hospital?"
An important verse from the Miscellania Purana that goes:
Dhotinam Khadinam Sarire
Japa Mala Tilaka tu Mandira
Kum Kum ca Kurta Papadam
Subji Gulabjaman Rasgula Mam -
1. El brahmacari Argentino Rupa das salía del templo cuando alguien echó un balde de agua desde el techo, encima de él. Luego, en la calle, un carro pasó por su lado y pisando un charco le echó otra vez agua. Finalmente, cuando regresó al templo a través de un parque, el sistema de riego se inició y lo mojó de nuevo completamente.
El pasatiempo se llama: Mojan a Rupa.
2. El brahmacari Rupa queria casarse con una brahmacarini del ashram, Kamala devi dasi. Despues de asociarse con ella se dío cuenta que ella tenía deseos por una casa grande, un carro Mercedes-Benz, quería muchos niños, y esperaba unos saris hasta de oro.
Entonces Rupa decidió no casarse con ella. Cuando sus amigos le preguntaba: "Muchacho, que te pasa - es tan bella! Porque no te casaste con ella?" Rupa les contestó: "Bueno, 'taba cara kamala" -
a christian joke btw:
A woman takes her 16-year-old daughter to the doctor. The doctor says,
"Okay, Mrs. Jones, what's the problem?"
The mother says, "It's my daughter, Debbie. She keeps getting these cravings, she's putting on weight, and is sick most mornings."
The doctor gives Debbie a good examination, then turns to the mother and says,
"Well, I don't know how to tell you this, but your Debbie is pregnant - about 4 months, would be my guess."
The mother says, "Pregnant?! She can't be, she has never ever been left alone with a man! Have you, Debbie?"
Debbie says, "No mother! I've never even kissed a man!"
The doctor walked over to the window and just stares out it. About five minutes pass and finally the mother says,
"Is there something wrong out there doctor?"
The doctor replies, "No, not really, it's just that the last time anything like this happened, a star appeared in the east and three wise men came over the hill. I'll be darned if I'm going to miss it this time!" -
One day many years ago at a school in South London a teacher said to the class of 5-year-olds, "I'll give $20 to the child who can tell me who was the most famous man who ever lived."
An Irish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Patrick." The teacher said, "Sorry Alan, that's not correct."
Then a Scottish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Andrew." The teacher replied, "I'm sorry, Hamish, that's not right either.
Finally, a Gujarati boy raised his hand and said, "It was Jesus Christ." The teacher said, "That's absolutely right, Jayant, come up here and I'll give you the $20."
As the teacher was giving Jayant his money, she said, "You know Jayant, since you are Gujarati, I was very surprised you said Jesus Christ." Jayant replied, "Yes, in my heart I knew it was Lord Krishna, but business is business!" -
Pope and the Jewish Community of Rome Debate
About a century or two ago, the Pope challenged the Jewish community of Rome to a debate. The Jews looked around for a champion who could defend their faith, but no one wanted to volunteer. It was too risky. So they finally picked an old man named Moishe, who spent his life sweeping up after people, to represent them. Being old and poor, he had less to lose, so he agreed. He asked only for one addition to the rules of debate. Not being used to saying very much, he asked that neither side be allowed to talk. The Pope agreed.
The day of the great debate came. Moishe and the Pope sat opposite each other for a full minute before the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers. Moishe looked back at him and raised one finger. The Pope waved his fingers in a circle around his head. Moishe pointed to the ground where he sat. The Pope pulled out a wafer and a glass of wine. Moishe pulled out an apple. The Pope stood up and said, “I give up. This man is too good. The Jews win.”
An hour later, the cardinals were all around the Pope asking him what happened. The Pope said, “First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He responded by holding up one finger, to remind me that there was still one God common to both our religions. Then I waved my finger around me to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground, showing that God was also right here with us. I pulled out the wine and the wafer to show that God absolves us from our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of original sin. He had an answer for everything. What could I do?”
Meanwhile, the Jewish community had crowded around Moishe, amazed that this old, almost feeble-minded man had done what all their scholars had insisted was impossible. “What happened?” they asked.” Well,” said Moishe, “First he said to me that the Jews had three days to get out of here. I told him that not one of us was leaving. Then he told me that this whole city would be cleared of Jews. I let him know that we were staying right here.” “And then?” asked a woman. “I don’t know,” said Moishe. “He took out his lunch and I took out mine.” -
http://www.pariprashnena.com/discussion/1105/who-doesnt-like-a-good-laugh-/#Item_1
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once, when Radharani was looking through her jewel box, KRSNA asked her for a jewel. she found a broken pearl in the corner and gave it to Him, saying "this is perfectly good for you for breaking our hearts all the time". KRSNA was elated and ran to the banks of Yamuna to plant it. He hauled water to the spot where He planted the pearl and all the gopis and cowherd boys showed up and asked what He was doing. "I'm planting a pearl tree" KRSNA said.
Radharani laughed and said, "Silly Boy, pearls don't grow on trees." and as the day ended, everyone went home and went to sleep.
the next morning, when they woke, KRSNA was out harvesting all sorts of multi-colored pearls from the glorious pearl tree that had grown there. on seeing this, all the gopis ran home, got their jewelry boxes and brought them to the banks of Yamuna when they feverishly began burying everything they had in the sand. at that time, KRSNA returned and asked what everyone was doing. each told that they were growing pearls and other valuable gems by planting them in the river bed. KRSNA said, "silly girls, pearls don't grow on trees".
the next morning, the banks were overgrown with thistles. -
This is the opening story of Mukta carita by Raghunatha das Gosvami.
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So have you all heard about Gandhi?
He walked around barefoot, which gave him some impressive callouses. Also, he had a relatively strange diet which made him frail and left him with bad breath sometimes. So you know what that made him?
...A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
How many devotees does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
2. One to screw in the lightbulb, and one to drop out of university. that one's mean. -
> How many devotees does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
I've heard this with the a different punchline:
"None. It's not my service, prabhu." -
Deena, see above.
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In the temples and monasteries, gatherings of
unnecessary,
rejected,
lazy fellows
should be strictly disallowed. The temples and monasteries should be used exclusively by devotees !!!
who are serious .... -
Sb 7.13.8 (Please take is seriously).
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Once the bhakta was praying very vibrantly to Lord Sri Krsna, Bhagavan.
Please, My Lord Krsna, please give me this lot of money that i need but immediately My Lord, Please please. I need this lot of money but please My Lord, give me that immediately as it is very ugently, please help me out... So while the devotee was praying, you all already know that how much life is so huge and looong live, Lord Brahma in the heavenly abode and exactly like that, for the life itself here is nothing but a lightning in the sky, that compared with the enternal life Lord Sri Krsna gets in Goloka Vrindavana.... So, in comparison to that, Lord Sri Krsna replyed to the Bhakta:
"Ok so do you know what we are going to do now? He said, can you just wait a little bit for a moment please.. ? Ok" -
Tectonic plates shift. After many millions of years of ardent meditation, two impersonalist yogis are now facing eachother, though their transcendentally inclined vision is slightly blurred from the aeons of settling dust and lice-ridden scruffy hair. Angried by the competition, each picks up a rock and has a go at the other. As one's skull is softer than the other's, one yogi prevails, exclaiming "I am the impersonalist!"
Here's to another millions of years!
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